Humour

Man Bravely Voices Popular Opinion

Johnny McLeans

Brave man Johnny McCleanes

By Ethan Mitchell

A Toronto man has recently become well known throughout the community for his brave defence of widely held and accepted beliefs.

On December 25, Johnny McCleanes, a resident of the city’s East York neighbourhood, decided that he could no longer stay silent. “I just couldn’t take it anymore,” said the enthusiastic young McCleanes. “I had to stand up for what I believed in. I felt that my views were under attack by the small and inconsequential minority of the population that didn’t share them, and I’m just proud that I was able to resist these people.”

After watching multiple other people express the ideas in which he believed, McCleanes felt compelled to act. “I didn’t really think about it,” he said. “The strength of my conviction carried me forward.”

He stood up in front of a crowd and delivered an impassioned speech. “In that moment, I didn’t care about the repercussions of my words. I just couldn’t let myself be quiet any longer,” explained McCleanes.

The whole crowd approved of the idealistic young man, and not a single person made any effort to oppose him. “The things he was saying are pretty widely accepted in our society,” said Jim Lamb, an audience member. “I’ve never met a single person who would criticise any part of what he said.”

Rob Wilson, a local man, commented, “of course, I agreed with what he was saying. These days, I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t. Sure, it was a fine message, but he didn’t really say anything controversial.”

After delivering his bold speech, McCleanes remains defiant. “I have to be strong. Even if they try to intimidate me or cause me harm, I can’t back down,” McCleanes said.

Puzzlingly, it has been weeks since the lecture in question, and Johnny McCleanes remains unharmed. He has experienced no harassment or persecution of any kind, and still continues to fight for his ideals unhindered.

By voicing these common opinions, McCleanes has taken a heroic stand against the very few people who would oppose him. The vast majority that McCleanes represents must be relieved to finally have someone fighting for them, and to know that there are some who will risk everything by delivering a speech to a room full of sympathetic audience members within a society that considers the values expressed in the speech to be self-evidently right.

Despite the opposition he faces from a minuscule segment of society, McCleanes remains undeterred. “Someone has to fight for these ideals,” he stated, “and that someone is Johnny Christophe McCleanes!”

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