By Michael Tuns
Dr. Trena Evans, an English teacher who works at Royal Saint George’s College, has finally achieved her dream of becoming one of the cool kids. Late last month she and some of her students had a brainstorming session for possible subjects of parody for the class’s ‘Onion-style article’ project. When one of her students came up with a rather horrible joke to base his article on, Dr. Evans quickly saw her opportunity and jumped on it.
“I just figured that since none of these kids has a clever bone in their body, I could help them… polish their work a little,” Evans said. “It’s not like they’re going to figure out for themselves that they’re not funny.”
Dr. Evans, a woman who has long used sarcasm to bond with her fatigued, often disinterested Writer’s Craft class, took advantage of her hard-earned doctorate in English and changed the disastrous joke to one worthy of a Pulitzer Prize for Public Service.
“I’m not doing it for the recognition, I’m just happy to have bonded with my students,” Evans told the Grifter during her lunch hour, a time that she enjoys sharing with her new chums. On the stage of Ketchum Hall, Dr. Evans can be found cracking jokes and correcting syntax while sitting elbow to elbow with such popular students as Sam and Alex.
“It’s really refreshing to be able to sit down and have an honest chat with my students,” Evans continued. “I think they value my company because I bring a certain scholarly presence to the group.
Also, my unique blend of humour styles must lighten up their day. I can’t think of anyone that has quite my zing.”
“I don’t really remember what Josh’s original joke was,” Said Writer’s Craft student Michael Tuns, “but I remember that the class laughed really hard at it. All I can say for sure is that Josh killed it.”
Joshua Dimakakos, one of the coolest kids in Royal Saint George’s College graduating class of 2015, did remember his joke. “It was about a running into a Business teacher in the club. I’m pretty sure everyone laughed at it except Dr. Evans. That’s okay, though, because it turned out that she was the only one who understood that it wasn’t actually funny. Luckily for me, she came up with a much better version that didn’t include the unfunny stuff, like the Business teacher or the club.”
“Yeah, I changed it so that it was about a student that wasn’t very good at poetry. It’s much funnier that way.” Dr. Evans reflected. “Pretty sure the entire class agreed with me.”
“Honestly, I’m feeling a little threatened right now,” admitted Dimakakos. “I used to be the funny person in Writer’s Craft, now she’s taken my spot. I don’t even have a seat at my lunch table anymore. She took it! I’m now stuck eating pasta with the ninth graders. Doc’s just too charismatic. Mark my words, she’s going to throw off the whole equilibrium.”
Dr. Evans doesn’t plan to stop her infiltration of the graduating class’s social groups. “I think I’ll quit my job and enrol in the Royal College. Some people think I’m a born educator; others think the reason I exist is to bring joy to the world. I think both. That’s why I’m going to become a regular high school student, so that I can teach them while being their friend. I’ll revolutionize the entire way we think about schooling and I’ll have friends!”
School headmaster Stephen Beatty has refused to comment.