Humour

Local Senior Watches Boyhood, Finally Understands Life

By Michael Tuns

David Burnett, a sixty-seven year old resident of the Toronto Retirement Castle, recently watched Richard Linklater’s Boyhood at the Bloor Street Cinema under the urging of his niece Francine. Burnett, who spends most of his time reading Margaret Atwood books and being baffled by suburban white culture, was rightly stirred by the brilliant script and unparalleled scope of the film.

“At first I was unsure. I didn’t know much about the film other than that it followed the same actors around for a long time. That wasn’t enough to convince me to watch it because I thought it was far too unique of an idea for a Hollywood film to pull off well. I mean, it’s a movie which follows Ethan Hawke and his unhappy family as they go through a decade long journey in which they search for love and meaning in a world that seems foreign to them. Then I noticed that it’s by the same director that made the Before series, which follows Ethan Hawke and his unhappy family as they go through a decade long journey in which they search for love and meaning in a world that seems foreign to them. Those movies were brilliant and original, so I figured that Boyhood might be just as unique. Boy howdy was I right.”

Burnett later described the movie by using such words as “transcendent” and “epic,” not realizing that those are the words that the film uses to describe itself. “Not since Casablanca have I seen a script with such beautiful dialogue and brutal honesty. When that kid in school said ‘Hey dude, welcome to the suck,’ I began to lactate out of sheer admiration for the film. Seriously, Shakespeare has nothing on this movie. Perhaps what most amazed me about it, though, was the realism with which it depicts male childhood. My childhood wasn’t anything like the main character’s, but if Margret Atwood has taught me anything, it’s that young boys are all hooligans that do little other than get high, enjoy violence and make fun of others because they won’t have sex with women of loose morals. Since this film is an exact copy of the works of Atwood and other old people that don’t spend much time with children, I knew that they must all be right.”

Burnett closed the interview by expressing his hopes for the film’s success at the upcoming 87th Academy Awards. “Really, it deserves to win every award, including Best Foreign Language Film and Best Animated Short. It needs recognition for how it has redefined the art of film, even if that means ignoring a few rules about how the awards work. I especially hope that it wins Best Picture. Boyhood’s dialogue was like margarine on my very soul while the rest of the film is unlike anything I’ve ever seen… Richard Linklater’s three identical movies excepted, of course.”

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